MY THOUGHTS

STOP CALLING ME MA’AM – I’M NOT EFFIN 90 YEARS OLD

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME – I’M 52 – I STOPPED CARING AT 21

THIS IS FOR MY COUSIN – I DIDN’T TOUCH THE FUCKING HEAT/AIR CONDITIONER – WHY DOES IT TAKE SO LONG DOES TO OPEN 100 FRIGGING BABY GIFTS?

IF I STOPPED BREATHING HERE AT WORK I DON’T THINK ANYONE WOULD RECUSSITATE ME – HOW SAD IS THAT?

IF I HEAR ONE MORE WORD TODAY ABOUT THE ELECTION I AM MOVING TO BORA BORA – I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT A HAMBURGER IS 16 DOLLARS.

THE PERFECT PARTY – ARRIVE LATE

BRING NOTHING

COMPLAIN ABOUT THE FOOD BUT EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT

LEAVE EARLY

DON’T INVITE ME IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE CRAP FOOD
(i.e., hamburgers, hotdogs, effin potato salad and macaroni salad – I can get that from pathmark)